Learning to be takes time

Church still feels a bit strange every week. It’s been nearly nine months since the last service at Refuge Church. Nine months is a long time. Yet it’s not, especially compared to the more than seven years we called it home.

It didn’t take us long to find a place to land, which is something I’m grateful for. A good friend, the pastor of the church we’re attending, knew our church’s story and encouraged us to come. No pressure to do anything—just be.

Although we visited a couple of other churches along the way, that’s ultimately what we did. And it’s been good. The church is full of kind people who love Jesus. It has a more structured liturgy, with readings and responses drawing us to Scripture, ancient creeds, and helpful writings from throughout church history, which Emily and I love.

Of our kids, our eldest daughter dove in headfirst, joining the youth group, forming relationships of her own, and even serving during some special events! Our youngest is getting comfortable, though it’s taken some time to get to used to the new routine. (And relationships are a bit harder to develop since social events tend to be a bit rowdier than he can handle.) Our middle child does not consider herself a Christian, so we consider it a win when she attends without it being an issue.

And here’s nothing for me to do—and no pressure on me to do anything either.

The challenge of learning to just be

A friend of mine, a former pastor, and I were texting about this not too long ago. For those of us who are used to having something scheduled to do every Sunday, or we’re just on-call, it’s different not to have an official function. We feel like we should be doing something, even if we don’t know what that thing is. We don’t really know how to be—to rest. To be present.

So for me, Sundays are an exercise in learning. And I’m getting there. Although, most of the time, I still feel like Ricky Bobby trying to figure out what to do with his hands during his first interview. But I can also see God’s purposes in this moment. My family’s been dealing with some severe challenges over the last 18 months.¹ And I can see how these would have required me to step aside from serving, at least temporarily, to better care for my family and myself.

But being able to see that doesn’t make it easier. Part of how I cope with social situations is by being actively engaged, especially when I don’t know many people. (This is also why I tend to stick to talking to one or two people I already know at parties.) And I miss being able to serve in some of the ways I served. They were a part of the way I worshiped. And whether I get to serve in those ways, only the Lord knows.

God knows; be patient with yourself

Now, I know that not everyone who has to start over at a church is coming at it from the same place I am. Maybe the local church hasn’t felt safe for a long time. You experienced genuine hurt and harm at the hands of other Christians. For you, just showing up is huge. But the challenge for you might be not viewing all Christians through the lens of those past experiences, or allowing yourself to eventually test the safety of your new setting. There’s risk in all of that. Will the past repeat itself, or will it be a place where you can find healing? Only the Lord knows.

Whatever our circumstances, here’s what you need to know: Resting is not easy. Being vulnerable. Being present is not easy. Learning to be takes time. God knows where you’ve been. He knows what you need. Be patient with yourself and with others. Even if you don’t know what to do with your hands.

Photo by Jacob McGowin on Unsplash